mindstruck

It just struck my mind...how to people feel when someone cares for them and that they are neglecting them...can they actualy live a peaceful life?yes those moment they are having now could be happy and all...but what about the people around them...even if they are on the verge to kill themselves, can they be happy? The world is cold...and it really is darn cold..not physically...but maybe mentally or something..someone should come out with proper terms to express these weird feelings.

Went out last night to have dinner..and took a long long walk back in the freaking cold weather...thought it would help me clear my mind a lil...it did actually...but not for long, the moment i came back to my room every felt the same. This feeling sucks and to make it worst im a person who has good memories for things that has happen..and i dont like this...atleast not for things like this.

If only life was like a butterfly...short~


Water bags ready to burst my tears out again....

silent treatment

The worst torture isnt pain, atleast in pain there will be a point where you will faint or die, but mental torture by silence is definately a killer. You start thinking of nonsense, hallusinating and then at the end of the day some head damage or something.

Life isnt getting any easier in a foreign country the pressure so building up so much that im starting to lose myself even faster. Im not the same cool person who handles things easily here. Im like a headless chicken running around. I really want to go back home. I wan my dogs company, hes the only thing that keep me company, as much as a person can promise me something they can never keep it. Situation change...promises change as well. No matter how i scold or beat my dog, at the end of the day he will return to me.

A butterfly seem to have an easy life..beautiful to some...but what they have been through isnt easy...as a caterpillar they are ugly and fat...and some say disgusting. Later in life they are beautiful with bright colors and but with all gods creation no gift comes without a price. They have short lives and are only able to enjoy their beauty for a while. I was told i was nice and hard to find..and prolly unique. But like all gods creation..when i find something beautiful...it wont last. The more beautiful it is...the shorter time i get to spend with it. Which reminds me of march 18....a rare gift was found..and sad to say it only lasted 2 days. Pretty much like a butterfly.


Life is sure like a butterfly...

mental break down

im not too sure what has happen to me but i felt as though ive been drugged, being all paranoid and having this mental break down is really scaring me. Thinking of suicide and all isnt right at all. I really need to get a grip of myself and not let this loneliness control me and making me see things or hear them. I really need to get back to KL. I cannot stand staying here, im not sure if its pressure or loneliness but either way i need to get myself back home.

new white wife

i also forgot to mention that ive got myself a new wife...a white one...traded my wife for this...heart pain abit though...but i think its worth it..wont be changing wifes for a while now...

Geek?

Im not a geek...nor am i near to be one....but i seem to have the lifestyle of one...minus the book reading part and the thick frame specs and er...button shirts with a pocket protector for pens..if thats what its called.

but look at my room


A geek needs to shop for groceries and yea...forgets to packs up the plastic bag...and food which is easily accessible on the floor so he doesnt starve to death when hes busy geeking with his computer. Drinks as well is vital..and a kettle on the floor to make those late night coffee.


The workstation of my awfully dreaded home...or atleast its my home for this 9 months here..Books at the side of the bed for easy accessibility as well so when i cannot sleep i can grab a book and read....yea RIGHT! its actually due to my laziness to put it back from where i got it from. A messy computer/study table with food and water supplies that can be reach without waking up from the chair. This is to try make me fat and avoid burning the slightest callories.

conclusion...am i a geek?

benjaminlim.com...finally

finally took the initiative to buy that domain before someone does...actually i was more like waiting for benjamin.com but knowing that it would be hard to get the domain cos its being used by some property company thing in the arizona if im not wrong...anyways will hunt down my name soon enough..while waiting i thought i could settle with this name.

spend like 12 hours non stop yesterday with my blog system and the other backend parts..finally got somethings to run..but entirely smoothly..still dont have the time to do my own design..will do it in times to come..but i do like this white thingy...makes it look abit dull at times..but pretty much reflects me i guess.

been trying to get through to huey ting as well...worried about her..no idea what has happen since the last time she told me something was happening. she wouldnt pick up my calls nor reply my message..i guess its still going on or shes avoiding me?hmm...sigh...duno la.

gonna start on my damn thesis again and hopefully this time i get somewhere as im going no where at the current moment. I would really need to do some more analysis and start writing some lines of code down already. anyways for whoever that reads my blog check out www.benjaminlim.com and gimme some comments on it if you wish..its just my portfolio page and maybe ill post some other stuff there..wont link this page of mine from that page tho. i guess it wont be too good for employers to find out too much bout me.

its the start of the bad bad things again

Found out that i cant do a masters today...and been like 2 weeks or so since my pc has been having this hardisk problem...and its making me worry as i might just have it not booting one day when my due date to my assignments are near...shit! ive always know that bad things comes in a pair or a bunch...but why is it coming so frequently now...whats up with all these test in such short period...the man up there really that bored?

Had a few drinks tonite...hopefully things will change and ill wake up and start working my ass off on my responsibility. If only things can go smoothly for a longer period of time...if only...if there's and if only....there wont be alot of miserable things going on. How do you wake yourself up from a long long dream?a dream that is called reality and taking things for granted? would smacking the person hard on his head help? dont really think so myself