I wish i could end everything...

The weekend was hell...ive never been this hurt in my life, not only my social life sucks..my love life...my studies...but basically everythin sucks...its a mystery how shit can always happen in a chain reaction. Why cant these things just happen one at a time, not pile up like fucking shit! No wonder the term 'shit' is given to these things. Somehow knowing the truth really hurts..and knowing what you did to have made the truth hurts even more. I realise im a very selfish person emotion wise. But why does it have to end like this. Sigh my rambling doesnt make much sense to most people who are reading this i know.

Im so gonna fail a sub...i dont see any alternative out of this. I dont know how to handlet things now...i dont know what to do. If i fail because of exams i dont mind..but its because my coursework...damn..what stupid system is this. I feel so lost and empty now, i got no one to rely on...no one i could trust...i feel the emptiness again...i feel deceived...but myself! that the worst thing...i feel like a loser...which indeed i am. I feel im not capable of undoing my mistakes nor make up to it. I feel so much hatred towards myself, my attitude, my character, my way of thinking and ...urgh...i hate myself.

would death solve these?

I wanna go home~

Just checked on the assignments that are due...OMFG~ i got like a another 4 of it piling up...and the due date are a day after or the same day...sigh...from a total slacker to someone who has to do his work is not easy...this reminds me so much of my spm days, where i had to cope with all the stress and sudden change in myself...the only difference was i had someone special to be my motivator and currently i have none.

I feel like going back home so much...i dont feel like living here anymore..it gets so sickening..feels so...deserted..and the weather sucks...so many people would wanna see snow and all..but you get so sick of it after a while. Xmas is coming alot of people i know would be leaving and ill be alone ...i wonder what will i be doing, i know im suppose to study but i really not in the mood...might go out watch come people caroling?i think thats the word for it. exams will be after the holidays and i really hope i could do something. The other thing that is bothering me is my thesis. It seems that the assigments could really eat up all my time leaving me with no time to do my thesis and research.

its late now....and im only abit sleepy. I sooo want to go back and not return. I guess this is 1 challenge i have to take. Sigh....