How do we keep up with life?

Pc's isn't working fine...but atleast i can come online...after tryin for HOURS! argh...yesterday was 1 heck of a day...i've finally met Jolene...someone who i've been messaging back and forth for quite a while in friendster...tho it wasn't an arranged meet up or anything...but it was still good enough i've to save some memories in my heart and mind.

After walking front and back the shop she work in i've finally got the guts to walk in and greet her...she was shocked to see me...yea...like who wouldn't?i was shocked myself...heartbeat so darn fast...she was sweet and all like the mails...a true nice person...talked to her for about 2 hours...while waiting for my friend...didn't know i could actually feel good about it...hehe...

but now...im so lost again...i feel so alone at times...though i think i have people to refer or talk to but still there seems to be something missing...like what Jolene is doing...she has her career and all in mind it just seems as though there is no lonely time for her...i wonder what am i missing...a determination?a target?a vision?i really don't know how can some people do it.

i know very well life is what we make out of it...but why does it seem i fail to make the best out of it...i fail to do so much...sitting here listening to songs...wasting my time and not starting back on my project...i basically see my target...a target of failure...but why and i so reluctant to do any damn thing?man i hate myself so much at times...