a different point in life

Cant sleep when im suppose to be sleeping...not too sure why am i awaken from my sleep middle of the night. Its not like i have alot of thinking to do...prolly just worried about the future i guess. Met someone really amazing lately...made me realize alot of stuff which i did realize before but never really empahsize on it...till now, ive been a pathetically weak person..emotionally, and maybe physically, but it has to come to an end already. I gotto get up and start standing and walking forward...my thoughts on things have been pretty negative to alot of people...well thats what they say..to me im just being cautious...but i guess i gotto lighten up and look at the bright side...how?hmm not too sure about that yet..but i guess a brighter perspective of life point of view would bring joy?hmm something like the saying...smile everyday and you'll eventually be happier or something like that...is that even a saying or it came out from my crappy mind?

so now not only comes the time to try brush up my weak studies but also myself...hmm is this what they mean by grow up?am i growing up?or more like deciding to grow up. I guess things wouldnt have been this way if someone didnt trigger the alarm to wake me up from my hibernation...not realizing winter has passed for years...and i slept through several winters...hehe...but i think i owe alot to this person. For making me realize and making me change...a change for myself...to be a better person..to stand up in the crowd...to have the confidence i always didnt have, to be able to take challenges...and oh boy..thats a real challenge, never have i actually wanna make or change someone's point of view about me or impress the person..but im gonna do it now...wow..haha!

i remember back er...a year or 2 ago...ivy told me that ben has grown up...i gave a more secure feeling...but i guess that wasnt grown up enough...now ben has to grow up more...hmm growing old edi...argh!these all sound so easy but im still planning how to grow up...haha..as in..hmm how...good question...how do one grow up?dont groth come naturally? oh well...good luck to me..