something made me realise about my life again today.An old friend and also my scout troop leader came up to me on icq and ask me to lend him100 buck to pay for his car installment.actually it isnt that cheap but hes short of a 100 buck so he asked me.he stop studying after his 1st year in college and has a diploma in computer,but he isnt a bright student since secondary school and hes active in outsdoor stuff thats why he was in scouts.

he told me that his father has retired and can only support his sister's education.His sister is in primary 6 at the moment but has a mentality of a primary 3.She too isnt good in her studies...and hes a lilttle worried for her...so basically he has to support his family...and his mother just passed away last year...a real shocking incidentHe has been working 2 jobs at the moment and still has a hard time with his cash flow..because he doesnt have a really good quilification he can only find jobs with low salary.

if i would to keep up my education like this i too am not very far from him...and i wont even afford to drive a car around as petrol is expensive.i hope i can make myself work and archieve something in life.i dont want to be like him...its gonna be torturing..and i dont think i deserve to have a girlfriend nor a wife in that situation.

called up my college today to find out my results...but it has not come out...according to the office girl,and i just knew that i start my course on the 21 or something...and not the 14...so i got about anther 2 weeks more...and im still wasting time?i think its time someone come smack me real hard and wake me up...make me do something with my pathetic life...i wanna make a difference and i dont have the will power nor the motivation to do so anymore.

sigh.....ill stop here tonight and so some thinking.